Millipede Motel

No Vacancy.


Ants dance in conga lines; flies swarm like dog-fighting jets; cockroaches scuttle in dark places. Millipedes lack the social camaraderie of ants, the grace of airborne flies and the speed of cockroaches. They do have many legs, though. They also share with the above insects the propensity to invade our household.

There’s no vacancy at Ali and Steve’s Millipede Motel. We’re full out. Go sleep in a barn, or something. This past week we’ve been kicking millipedes out by the foursome. They crawl with interminable slowness in different corners of the bathroom. Usually they’re as long as a pinky finger; those are the adults. But in the past we’ve just had to sweep away one or two of them a week.

Then some mama must have had a brood of ‘em right behind our toilet. Every time I go to the bathroom there are three or four more to contend with. Two are in the shower. One’s behind the toilet and another on the wall to the right of the sink. I usually take a few strips of toilet paper and set about the grim business of expulsion. When I touch one it’ll wrap itself into the millipede version of a foetal position (like settlers circling the wagons before a raid). Then I pluck it up and carry it to the door and toss it out like a customer that can’t pay the bill.

We went nuclear on them today. We poured Clorox down the drain and sprayed the corners with Mortein. But I hate that option. Mortein is one toxic spray. I’m not sure who I’m harming more, the unwelcome millipedes or myself.